Heart of the Matter by Emily GiffinMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
I am having a very hard time rating this book. On the one hand, I loved it, couldn't put it down. On the other, I wanted to chuck it across the room! After thinking about it, for a couple of days now mind you, I have to give this book 5 stars, hands down. It is another great book by a great author. Emily Giffin has a way to suck you into a story that is captivating, thrilling, wrong but oh so good. She writes about topic one normally doesn’t write about but makes you love all of the characters no matter if they are the good guy or the bad. She is brilliant. Now for the real meat and potato’s.
We are introduced to two women. Tessa has ultimately come to the understanding that she is the mistress to her husbands first love, his work. He is a pediatric plastic surgeon. We first meet Tessa and her husband, Nick, at their anniversary dinner. She is the perfect wife, with the perfect husband, in the perfect dress, in the perfect restaurant until his phone rings. He is being called into work. Without a single protest or disappointed sigh she goes home, eats a cold dinner from the take out boxes they had to rush from the restaurant and goes to bed alone, again.
Tessa has given up her career for her family, it’s what she wanted to do to feel like a better mother and wife. She wants to be there for her children, her husband and her home everyday, all day. She makes sure they have a clean house, home cooked meals, clean clothes, go to the perfect schools, go to neighborhood function, she keeps up on her looks, her health, everything. But she is having an inner struggle. She feels like she has lost herself along the way. She doesn’t feel connected to anyone or anything. She’s tired all the time. She finds herself not smiling as much anymore, not enjoying the endless list of things that need to get done. She wants to go back to work but doesn’t see how she can manage everything if she does, plus she would only hear I told you so from her mother who likes to bring up that giving up her career is going to be her ultimate downfall in her marriage and in her life.
Then we meet Valerie. I really liked Valerie at first, which we will talk about later. Valerie is a lawyer and also an over protective single mother. Her son Charlie is six years old and even though he goes to one of the best schools in town, Valerie feels like her and Charlie have nothing in common with the people around them. She feels that all of the women look down upon her because she is a single mother. She doesn’t trust the women or their big rings, big personalities, their cars, their shoes, their suck up persona. Really, she just doesn’t like them. When one of the mothers asks her if her son Charlie will be coming to the sleep over at her house for her son’s birthday, she wants to refuse but doesn’t. She doesn’t want Charlie to feel left out. So against her better judgment to lets Charlie go.
It is at the birthday party that the unthinkable happens. Charlie falls into an open pit and get rushed to the hospital with burns on his right hand and face. Valerie is devastated and blames herself because she shouldn’t have let him go. She just knew something like this would happen because no one is that perfect. The mother who hosted the party should be ashamed, which she is in her own twisted way, but Valerie doesn’t know what to do and then in walks Dr. Russo, better known as, Nick.
***Spoilers***
Where to start...
At first I couldn't stand Tessa. I didn't like that she felt the need to be like everyone else. That she was worried about what snack to bring to her child's preschool class because she was afraid of what the other mothers would think of her. I got the sense that Nick couldn't stand it either. He seemed unhappy. She seemed unhappy. And the last thing those two ever seemed to do was make time for each other. I started to like Tessa once she started sticking up for Charlie. Those women she was trying so hard to be like are vultures. Sad but true, I know many women like them. I wanted to shake Tessa and tell her to wake up! They are low, shallow people, who you don't want to be like. Run! Run as fast as you can. But she didn't. Instead she let them influence her and past judgment on her. Blah blah blah blah…get a life Tess!
I honestly loved Valerie from the start of this book. I couldn't imagine having to go through the horror of what she went through with her son. She had every right to be upset with Romy, the women who hosted the sleep over. Why wasn't she watching a bunch of six year old boys? Why was there an open flame? And why would you not be watching a group of six year old boys around an open flame? Hello, commonsense! Sorry that is the mom side of me coming out. I felt for Valerie. I wanted to hug her and tell her everything was going to be okay. That he was going to make it. I wanted to become her best friend because she seemed so lonely. So helpless. Until, she started making eyes at the doctor, Nick. The married doctor. After that I was pretty much disgusted.
I sat here engrossed in this book. No Nick, no! You have two kids, a bitchy wife and a home to think of. Don't spend anymore time with Valerie and her son, who by the way seems like he would be an amazing kid. I understand you are not happy. But instead of ignoring your wife who is “trying” by putting a sexy nighty on instead of sweats you continue to go to Valerie time and time again. Yes you guys are just friends but come on! Would you want your wife to become friends with a single hot male? I don't think so. Yes Valerie is a great lady, who needs help. Yes poor Charlie doesn’t have a father but you are a father to two kids who need you at this very moment!
We watch as Nick and Valerie form a relationship, which I have to say did seem amazing once I stepped back and looked at it. But with every step towards Valerie he took one away from Tessa, his kids, his home. I found myself wanting to smack Valerie and Nick. Tessa was trying everything she could for him, for their kids, for their family. And he was choosing to be somewhere else, with someone else. I had to walk away from this book when Nick and Valerie finally crossed the line and slept with each other. I put it down, on my night stand, and proceeded to clean my house from top to bottom, except the night stand the book sat on, thinking what an idiot Nick was. He had a woman at home who had given up her whole life to be his and his kids whole life. And instead of appreciating that, he was spending time with a different family, one that wasn't his to start with. I hated Valerie for being so needy, and uptight, that she couldn't see that those women whom she hated because of their big houses, big rings, big personalities where better than her because they weren't out sleeping with married men, or cheating on their husbands. And it made me stop and think about my failed marriage. Deceit is deceit, doesn't matter in which forms it comes in and it hurts. I was pissed the first day I put this book down. How dare Nick cheat on his wife? He has it all but at the time he had a better relationship with Valerie why was that? What made him stray. What made him not want to be at home? And then I realized something. Even though Tessa and Nick looked like they had it all, they had lost the one thing that had made all of the amazing things they had together matter. Love, respect and appreciation for each other and themselves. Nick was so focused on work, he didn’t see what was going on in the house in Tessa’s life. Tessa was so focused on the house, the kids, she didn’t see the stresses of Nick’s work and how he would bring home his worries.
So I drew a hot bath and finished the book and wouldn't you know Ms. Emily Giffin herself said the same thing. They had lost sight of each other.
I'm not going to give away the ending because I feel like there really isn't an ending to this story yet. It will some how magically continue to play out? But I did gain some important facts about myself, about what I want to become, about what not to forget for my next relationship and what I didn’t recognize the first time around.
It takes two people to create a relationship. It takes two people to break a relationship. And it takes two people to work on their relationship to make sure that they don’t grow apart. Everyone has everyday struggles. To have someone by your side who will love you through the struggles is priceless. So instead of caring what your neighbors will think, or how your lawn looks, or the latest fashion and gossip people need to remember that the person you love and want to be with for the rest of your life needs you attention too. They need your love, affirmation, approval, support, strength, sometimes just a hug. Nothing should be more important that the person you love and the family and life you create together. Nothing.
I took a good long hard look at myself and my short comings in my pervious marriage and I have to say I see Tessa's point of view, Valerie's point of view and also Nick's point of view. It's a sobering pill to swallow. And I vow to never make those mistakes again. I'm not naive enough to say that everything will be perfect because then I'd be just like Tessa was at the beginning, but I do believe that by reading this book, Heart of the Matter, I have grown as a woman and learned about myself. Being able to walk away from a book and have grown is an amazing thing. Everyone needs to read this. It's that good of a book and a topic.
So my question to you, if your husband ever cheated on you, would you leave him? Try to make it work? Think long and hard before you answer this question but I have to ask, what would you do?
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